He’s in a league of his own. Overwrought. Verbose. High-Fallutin’. Dopey. Angry. Uninformed. ¬†That’s just in his bio where he goes on and on announcing that he’s a professional hockey writer. PROFESSIONAL mind you!

My guess is that his real job is selling something over the phone from a cubicle in the Valley. Because the only published things I can find are really, well, overwrought, verbose and I guess you’d have to say “loosely” researched articles on a webzine that he seems to own, publish and edit. The fourrh period dotcom, hockey’s “lifestyle” magazine.

Really.

Have you seen it? I hadn’t either. Now, wait. I haven’t either. Never. Not once. I’m a bit of a hockey fan, you’d think I’d have seen the alleged magazine somewhere. In the toilet at Staples Center or on a newsrack at the Airport or somewhere! But, no I haven’t. And the web version? Fuck. How many guys have their own website? Here’s the proof .. *I* have my own website! I’m the biggest dipshit of all time but I have a website that I publish, write and edit all by myself too!

Anyway, take a gander:

Holy Shit, right? I mean he went somewhere and got dressed and did his hair and posed for this. Then out of however many pictures there were, this is the one HE picked (it’s from his twitter account). Imagine, if you can, what the OTHER pictures looked like if this is the best one!

Examples of his work? Here’s where he copied the recent trend of writing “funerals” for teams who lost in the playoffs ( I was going to say “got ousted” as an ironic dig at this alleged wordsmith, but I think he would not have got it):

When the series’ first goal hit the back of the net less than five minutes and the owner was Burrows, the Vancouver faithful had visions of another production, instigating long playoff run in their heads.

THAT is what happens when you are your own editor! The Professional Hockey Writers of America, or whatever group it is he mentions “incidentally” in every article he writes, are probably going to have to sue him to stop him from claiming an affiliation. THAT is what happens when you edit your own work! It will be REPLETE with mistakes. Trust me on this one.

“The series first goal hit the back of the net not less than five minutes” …. less than 5 minutes WHAT Dennis? Less than 5 minutes into the game? Not less than 5 minutes then went by? Why did you leave that thought in the middle of that long, exasperating sentence? Were you tired of your prose already too? ¬†”…and it’s owner was Burrows”. Holy Shit, Deeman, that is 4th grade passive writing. Come on! “The vancouver fans had visions of another production, instigating long run”. WHAT? What in the blue hell? What were they envisioning a long run? An instigation? An instigator penalty? An extra word? 2 words left out? Where the blue fuck was your editor on this one D-boy?

That’s the tip of the iceberg. The guy is living proof that calling yourself something and then hoping everyone accepts it .. that is a trick from some Jack Black movie .. it doesn’t work! The guy is a hack! Check this out:

http://canucksarmy.com/2012/5/1/dennis-bernstein-wrote-the-best-recap-of-the-canucks-playoff-loss

8 Responses to “Dennis Bernstein Worst Hockey Writer ever?”

  1. hockeyrns kid Says:

    HEy fuck you dennis bernstein is my father!

  2. Rinkrat Says:

    Nice dark roots, bleached hair and bowl cut. Who is this fag?

  3. heh Says:

    My second grade son writes better than he does.

  4. king_stoner Says:

    kings going to the conference finals later today after they sweep the blues! have you hung the noose or loaded the gun yet? hahahha

  5. Rinkrat Says:

    I want to take this pretty boy and suck him off.

  6. ToeBlake Says:

    I’m pretty sure that makes you gay, Mike.

  7. C Says:

    I have never read a bigger homer douche bag in my life. You and this cuntsy blog. You are a typical OC cock smoker that has little very game. You suck worse than you team this season. No heart, no passion and no post season. Cup first or not, you will ALWAYS be the red headed step child of SoCal hockey. The one your mom should have swallowed. If you were a hetrosexual male, I’d beat the man can’s off your fat body. Do everyone a favor and kill yourself you pillow bitter. Have a nice long off season teabag.

  8. kingster Says:

    Dude, that is the most sexually tense, homosexual cry for help I have ever heard.

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