It’s the sound of footsteps you creeps. It’s Corey Perry with 14 goals in his last 4 games and the Anaheim Ducks with 15 wins and 37 points in their last 12 games.
It’s an impossible year, and it is an impossible deficit. The Duck was done 6 weeks ago. 18 points out of the playoffs and firmly entrenched in the lottery. Since then they have the most points and best record in the league. 14-3-3. That’s not new math, it’s a fact, jack. Fuck you Kingstoner.
The “streak” has, once again, been put on the back of Corey Perry. This guy is probably the most beloved guy in all the league, particularly among jean-shorted, testosterone-deficient, estrogen-bloated Kingfans. Find me a fat bald guy in jean shorts and a goatee and I’ll show you a guy that snuck down from the 300 section at Staples center and is scanning the cupholders for half full cups of 14 dollar beer. And he’ll be shouting ‘Corey Ferry’ as Perry rolls over Jon Quick and scores another Duck goal.
This Duck team is starting to remind everyone of the ’07 cup winners. Here’s Brian Burke: “I’ve seen a lot of hockey in my day, but this current Anaheim team most closely resembles the 1947 Marlies. I call Bob Murray daily trying to crowbar Tony Lydman out of Anaheim, but Murph knows a great skater when he sees one. BTW, fuck that Kingstoner guy, what a queer”.
More from Gary Bettman “… when contraction talks start up, we will have to look at the two teams in Southern California. One of them has a Cup and the best record in hockey since Jan 1, the other has never won anything. You do the math, but let me say this: If I owned a bar in Kansas City I’d be installing a bunch of those crush proof seats that can hold 300 pound dumb 35 year olds and putting up pictures of Wayne Gretzky on the wall.”
The Duck rise has coincided with another lackluster season from their crosstown rivals, the Kansas City, errr, Los Angeles Kings. Dean Lombardi took over the reigns in LA 6 years ago and has managed two playoff losing series since then, mostly on the back of players that were already in LA before he arrived. The trail of tears, as it is called around the league, started with Alyn Macauley (yeah, his parents spelled “allen” that way) and most recently included the crying Ryan Smyth and the 4 goal scoring Dustin Pancakes Penner. Lombardi was asked by intrepid investigative publicist Rich Hammond the hard-hitting question: “Mr Lombardi, sir, the team is great, the players all get along and I love going on the road with you guys. My per diem is satisfactory and Mr Robitaille’s foreclosed home isn’t even on my radar. Talk about the great success here in LA”. To which Dean said “I think that our bridge gap and filler players have now esteemed to the position expected organizationally from the perspective of tolerated allowability and filled out the chart making success a gross understatement. You have to go back and analzye the erudition with which I operate and the utter catastrophe with which I was presented. That fucking Kingstoner emails me every god damn day. Therefore what I think is that we are right where we should be and the gross 11% ticket increase is very little in reality when compared with the permutations of the culture of winning I have developed. Mathematically I have made all your wishes come true.”