Archive for April, 2013

LEARN HOW TO MAKE A CAR!

Author: kingster

Detroit is the armpit of the USA, a cesspool of human filth. They can’t make a car, but they can sure run a pawn shop. It’s like Sarnia and Windsor grew a huge mole that turned cancerous and moved across the river.

And to make matters worse, the entire team is Swedish. You may as well put on some skinny jeans and get it over with Detroit.

Maybe you should make Volvos?

Maybe you should make Volvos?

The PACIFIC DIVISION has been in existence since 1993. Before that it was essentially the Smythe Division. The Los Angeles Kings, aka “Shotcount Heros” have been in the Pacific Division all that time. Phoenix has won the Pacific. Anaheim. Colorado, Calgary, San Jose … heck EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER BEEN IN THE PACIFIC won it at least once.

EXCEPT THE SHOTCOUNT HEROS

YOU WILL NEVER EVER GET ONE OF THESE

Is there a reason I bring this up now?

YES!

Because the league is being restructured next season and there will be no Pacific Division of the NHL again EVER!

Meaning that unless the Shotcount Heros of Los Angeles get all 6 of their remaining available points and the Duck get zero of their remaining points the LOS ANGELES KINGS WILL NEVER EVER IN THE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE WIN A PACIFIC DIVISION TITLE. Second place or worse EVERY YEAR for twenty years.

GO BOO SOME MORE INJURED PLAYERS YOU FAT,UGLY, NACHO-EATING HACKS!!!!

Killer

Author: kingster

Pay the bet, FUCKER!

SCHULTZ 11th PLACE!!

Author: kingster

You should have seen this punk handle the puck too! You’d have thought it was a grenade! He was freaked out and played like shit and now he’s in 11th place and can work on telling stories about his frat parties at Wisconsin and all the fat chicks and how him and his bros were shouting down all the plugs and working on their cellys and that kind of punk ass shit! What a fucking LOSER!!!!!

BLAST FROM THE PAST

Author: kingster

PUBLISHED 3/22/2012 … and TONIGHT JSCHULTZ the asshole comes to town:

Elmer Mcstupidpants:

 

Or this asshole:

 

That asshole (to be) is Justin Schultz. He’s a 20 year old junior at the University of Wisconsin. He was drafted by Boob Murray in 2008. He’s pretty much the consensus best dman in all of college hockey. He’s already put off his NHL career 2 years while he plays at Wisconsin. Now, he’s found a loophole. If he waits till July 1, he becomes an unrestricted free agent. Oops.

Now it’s not as lucrative a deal as you would think. He’ll still have to go through the CBA system of entry level contracts and can’t get some 5 million dollar a year deal. He’ll get the same maximum entry level deal from anyone right now. But he’ll get to choose his team if he waits 10 more weeks.

Bottom line? If he wants to be an ahole all he has to do is to start calling Toronto or NY or Vancouver on July 1. No repercussions. Ducks get no compensation, he gets no fine or penalty, in fact he’ll make a little more money (though just a little) if he makes this move.

Duck fan nation is quickly assembling, news-team style, to defend Blustering Bob, who … well if he didn’t see this coming he’s a fucking ninny. But Duck homers are quick to blame Schultz, and not Bob.

Well look, if Bob has no agreement with the kid, if he’s aware of the “loophole” and he went and fucking traded Jake Gardiner this time last year he’s incompetent. And stupid. And condescending. Mostly bald.

If he has an ‘understanding’ with the kid and he gets screwed, well he’s learning a lesson he should have learned a long time ago.

If he’s been aware of the loophole? Stupid. Unaware? Stupid.

If Schultz pulls this off, trust me on one thing. First game he plays in Anaheim against the Ducks, I’m climbing over the glass and kicking his ass.

DORMIE!!!!!!

Author: kingster

For you non athletes, DORMIE is a term in golf used to describe when your match play opponent can only possibly tie the match. You are on 17 and down 2, you are DORMIE because the best you can do at that point is win 2 more to tie the match.

WELL, now KILLER the bigmouth is dormie!!!

See, being a Kingster of the first degree, Killer was flapping his gums early this year, saying shit about his “second to the cup” group of losers and their fluke streak last year. Vancouver beat the Duck early in the season (a classic rope-a-dope) and Killer mouthed off “duck won’t even finish within 25 points of the Kings this year ha ha ha ha”.

Well, I said “you idiot, it’s a 48 game season”. Too which Killer defly replied “oh yeah, that’s right”.

He backed off, bet a bottle of 12 year old McCallan that the Duck would not finish within 12 points of the Kings!! Moron.

Well, today, with 11 games remaining the Kings (if they won EVERY GAME) can potentially get to 67 points. The Duck, with their 12 point cushion, ALREADY HAVE 67 points.

PAY THE BET!!!!!!!!!

KILLER:

KILLER