Archive for December, 2011

FINALLY!

Author: kingster

 

The US finally leaves Iraq. The last place in the world we should have ever been.

 

Connection to Terrorists? NONE

Weapons of Mass Destruction? NONE

Connection to 9/11? NONE

 

I only wish it was the biggest lie our government ever told.

 

Herman Goering, of all people, sums it up:

 

Goering: Why, of course, the people don’t want war. Why would some poor slob on a farm want to risk his life in a war when the best that he can get out of it is to come back to his farm in one piece. Naturally, the common people don’t want war; neither in Russia nor in England nor in America, nor for that matter in Germany. That is understood. But, after all, it is the leaders of the country who determine the policy and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy or a fascist dictatorship or a Parliament or a Communist dictatorship.
Gilbert: There is one difference. In a democracy, the people have some say in the matter through their elected representatives, and in the United States only Congress can declare wars.
Goering: Oh, that is all well and good, but, voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country.

Heyyyyy, Brutha …..

Author: kingster

What’d you do with Tonga you old pothead? Have you burned every single guy that tried to help you out now? Pass the hat, dipshit!!

 

LONG LIVE TONGA! LONG LIVE KINGSUNDERGROUND.COM! FUCK YOU ELGEEGAY!

 

 

This guy just can’t make a deal with anyone until he extracts a little blood. I’d hate to be the guy at his local Domino’s when he haggles over the expired coupons.

Deano pusses out to begin with and brings his buddy Sutter in. But he can’t just do it. He’s got to haggle the Flames for a week first! The only hold up now is the fact that Sutter is under contract with the Flames. No problem, right? Pay his contract. Oh wait, Sutter was Calgary’s GM! He probably makes MORE than Deano! Dean ain’t paying that, no way! So I can just imagine the phone call, Dean to the Flames GM Jay Feaster:

DEANO:“There are negotiations being made that are going to answer all of your questions and solve all of your problems. That’s all I can tell you right now. Darryl, he grew up  working for my family in San Jose. When we made our move to LA I told him ‘Darryl, you are going to be my right hand man. Terry Murray is no longer Consigliari … err I mean Coach.’ He’s going to be sleeping with fishes, capich?’ That’s no reflection on Terry it’s just the way I want it. Besides, if I ever need help who’s a better Consigliari than Darryl.  That’s it.

FEASTER: Well, look Dean, we need you to take over his whole contract, no negotiations, pay the whole thing or we don’t let him out of it.

DEANO: Well, when Darryl was first starting out, he was signed to a personal services contract with this team I won’t mention names. And as his career got better and better, he wanted to get out of it. But the Team wouldn’t let him. Now, Darryl is my father’s godson. So my father went to see this team and offered them $10,000 to let Johnny go, but the team said no. So the next day, my father went back, only this time with Luca Brasi. Within an hour, he had a signed release for a certified check of $1000.

FEASTER: How did he do that?

DEANO: My father made him an offer he couldn’t refuse.

FEASTER:  What was that?

DEANO: Luca Brasi held a gun to his head, and my father assured him that either his brains or his signature would be on the contract.

FEASTER: What?

DEANO:That’s a true story.

FEASTER: OK, OK whatever man, we’ll continue to pay 10% of his salary, you pick up the rest.

DEANO: I come from a personal friend of Mr Johnny Fontane. That friend promises his undying friendship if you would do him a small favour.

FEASTER: Holy shit, Dean this isn’t a movie.

DEANO: That’s it, now you pay me 1,000.00 in a certified check or you never eat in this town again.

 

FAILURE ON FIGUEROA!!!!

Author: kingster

This is the year it was all going to come together. Richards and Gagne to go with the offensive dynamo that is the LA Kings? The Cup is ours. I know for a fact that Dean Lombardi called the Stanley Cup Engraver’s office in October and had them spelling out “Kopitar” properly. The Kings “insider” was in on it. The coach. The GM. The future is now!
The fans of course, were their retarded self. Bringing to mind the total backfire of the JMFJ tee shirts worn under the KILL JACK KILL hoodies, Kingfans went out and made these shirts this year:

 

The Kings have now lost 5 in a row. They are 12th in the west, 24th in the league. They are LAST IN THE LEAGUE IN GOALS SCORED.

 

If it wasn’t for Jon Quick, the red cheeked flat-brimmer in the photo above could look at that shirt in the mirror and have a good chance of 0-83 coming true.

 

ITS A MESS!!!!

It’s true! Matty Beery does it again. Just like all the times he’s threatened to give up his season tix, then you find out he never had season tix. Or a week later he forgets that he swore to never go to the game in his season tix then writes about the game he’s going to tonight in his season tix. He’s gonna quit after 10,000 posts, now he’s up to 10,287. He’s going to buy EVERYONE drinks! He’s not going to dance unless they give him free tickets, but he dances anyhow. Then he retires, then he unretires. I think he just gets bored, so he makes shit up. This gig as a fake hockey insider is perfect, because the internet has so thoroughly ruined journalism and sports reporting that any dipshit who dances during time outs for attention .. he can have make up anything he wants!

 

Anyway, CBGB/DANCINGBOY/MATTYBEERY lost his gig as the head King blogger at the Eklund liar site. He then quit. He then set up his own blog. He has since (and we are talking 24 hours!) apologized, promised to be nice and has gone back on his word, once again. Thankfully we can now be entertained by a guy who knows nothing about hockey. He can make up fake rumors, use the grammar and punctuation of a 9th grader and constantly name drop. It’ll be great.

Can you imagine the email?

Dear Eklund,

I’m so sorry. This will never happen again. I recognize I crossed the line and I promise to not be so offensive in the future. May I please have my unpaid job back?

Lovingly,

Dancing Gay

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Eklund: “Sorry, man, I have to fire you.”

Dancing, flitting Makeitup Boy: “You can’t do that, I don’t really work here.”

Eklund: “That’s what makes this so difficult”.

 

It’s true. He’s gone. Read all about it at LGGay. He flipped out about somethingoranother. Just not getting enough attention, I guess.

I guess he’ll have to claim to have inside information (and friends) somewhere else now.

Hello, Morons.

Author: kingster

For a full 4 years now misguided fans of the Duck have claimed that the teams “system” is holding them back, stifling their offensive players and leading them to, well, suck. Forget that Corey Perry just won a scoring title, Teemu Selanne is on fire in his 40’s and the team got 99 points last year. Forget all that because these sad sacks who learned their hockey at a roller rink or watching their 6 year olds play for some houseleague team .. well they ignore it. They repeat that Randy Carlyle and the Duck coaching staff demanded that every puck be dumped in, that the puck remain on the perimeter at all times and that players were chastised for going to the net. LOL. These “guys” used to cite Bobby Ryan and Dan Sexton as examples of players “held back” by this system, guys who were not allowed to “freelance” and show off their “mad skills”. Well, Dan Sexton it turns out just flat sucks. And Bobby Ryan has 30-35 goals three years running and has THRIVED playing in this system.

Listen, it’s so insane I don’t even know how to state their side of the case. I’m trying to be fair, but it’s pretty hard.

Anyway, the biggest, most consistent complaint is that the team has to dump or chip the puck in when entering the offensive zone.

So, enter Bruce Boudreau and the morons have already anointed him savior, claiming the team now gets to freewheel!

ANYONE CATCH THE PREGAME INTERVIEW WITH BOUDREAU?

Q “Coach, what do you have to do to win this game”

A “Good question. First, we have to reduce or eliminate turnovers. Second, we have to get the puck in deep. Chip it in and go get it. Make them turn around and go get it”

I was waiting for him to add “so all you idiots that think this team is some great, highly skilled remake of the Edmonton Oilers glory days, get a clue. This team has to outwork opponents and not listen to stupid fans”.

Chip it in, boys!

Kings = Slumpbusters!

Author: kingster

When you are headed for last place in the league, all you need to turn the tide is something easy. The fat chick. The weak opponent. Enter Los Angeles’ Kings and their fabled season of destiny! DUCK WINS DUCK WINS DUCK WINS!!!!

 

Here’s the game recap:

 

Anaheim, California. Tuesday night in Anaheim saw the Anaheim Duck lined up against their cross-town rival, the Los Angeles Kings. Boring. The Duck is having it’s worst season ever and the Kings barely put up a fight. Pathetic. Pretty much this sums it up: Kyle Clifford played 5:41 and he spent 5:31 running away from fights. Dustin Brown wasn’t even up for his usual diving tactics, he just didn’t seem to care. Anze Kopitar? Invisible if not for his Storky looking choppy hack skating style and sunken malformed eyesockets. Between Brown and Kopitar alone you have the poster shots for Heroin addiction and Down’s Syndrome. Really a humiliating thing. I hate the Kings and I was embarrassed to watch. This is the official game report from the AP and UPI wires so listen up. Kings really are bad. I mean, seriously bad. Wasn’t this supposed to be the year they won the cup? DEANO SUCKS IT!

 

 

THE LEGACY OF FAILURE

Author: kingster

FORECLOSURE FROM LUC THE TEAM PRESIDENT OF SOMETHINGORANOTHER. HEAD CROOK, allegedly:

 

 

 

Allegedly molesting your own adult daughter:

 

 

Allegedly Drunk Driving on an abandoned freeway at 4 am following a Team Sponsored Event:

 

It’s one big alleged mess. No cup in 44 years. PUH …. THET …. IC!!!

Fatso’s on parade at the Honda Center tonight. Don’t put your beer down, it will be stolen. And god forbid you have car troubles because the free Union 76 tow truck guy is gonna have his hands full jump starting the old Nissan Frontiers these freaks drive.

Don’t worry, the nacho cheese sauce double delivery has arrived. King fans should be pretty quiet with their mouths full of food.

 

GO DUCK!

So, two games into the “Bobby stays” era, we have a coach who puts the first and second line out there all third period long. He changes up the lines repeatedly when the team struggles. He encourages the players instead of tearing them down. He plays Hiller. The team gets outshot 40 something to 20 something nightly. The team gives up leads. Sounds kinda like the old coach. And if you squint a little it looks kinda like the old coach.

 

So maybe practices where the players are all smiles .. maybe that’s not the answer? Maybe Winnipeg and Calgary’s cast-offs can’t get the Ducks out of the slump? Maybe this organization needs to suck it up, stop trying to turn one of the worst teams in the league into a playoff contender by “changing the feel in the room?”. Maybe the Ducks need better players?